Yeah I know this is necroposting, but I’ve just become consistently proficient with tanking in the Tomcat, and here are some recommendations I use:
- Set the HUD to enroute mode, then move the seat down so that the heading tape is in-line with the piece of metal sticking out on the right prison bar.
- Set the wings to 55 degree/manual to take the maneuvering flaps out of the equation. This prevents uncommanded changes in lift and also reduces the momentum associated with the fully-forward wings.
- When at pre-contact, line up the basket with the HUD waterline. This is the only time to eyeball the basket. Trim to hold altitude at matching airspeed. You can also use Autopilot-altitude hold to trim up, then release autopilot. Remember: if you ain’t cheatin’, you ain’t tryin’ hard enough!
- Line the refueling pod up with the right 1/3 of the right side of the pitch ladder.
- Use slight rudder and very slight pitch changes to move the aircraft relative to the refueling pod.
- When you move forward to contact, the top of the refueling pod should touch the top of the canopy rail. This is where moving the seat down really makes a difference.
- While holding station, keep the canopy rail between the wing root and the tail of the tanker (closer to the wing root if all else is equal).
This pic is to illustrate what I mean by putting the heading tape level with the metal piece. As I had to use both hands to get an ALT+PrintScreen, this is not a good example of station keeping. 
I’m actually high, slightly left, and behind.
Another thing: I’ve found that once I’m on the basket, I find it useful to trim down 1 or 2 increments. I’m not sure why this is, except possibly to trim out the unconscious desire to climb as I’m looking up at the tanker.