We have threads to discuss our mental health, threads to highlight the books, music and films we love and a thread to give ourselves a little pat on the back when we did good. Let THIS thread serve as the opposite of that last one. I’ll start. Feel free to be ruthless in your ridicule. Where the mental health thread is supportive and judgement free, here is where we can come for the ***-kicking we deserve. (Don’t leave a guy hanging. Fess up!) Here goes mine:
Yesterday I noticed that the little light under the microwave that hangs over the stove was inoperative. We usually keep it on at night as a nightlight. When I mentioned this to my wife she said that the 2nd light in the unit had been inoperative for months. I attempted to unscrew the bulb but it was so old and brittle from being exposed to heat, grease and abuse that the bulb twisted out from its screw-on cylinder, the two halves now connected by just two thin wires. Hmmm. I opened the little door to the other light. Same result: bulb separated from the cylinder. Instant “Challenge Accepted!” I didn’t give it a beat. I am a man. This is a microwave. A dark kitchen is proof of my ineptitude and must not be allowed to endure. Did I unplug the unit? NO! I just pushed the button for the light to indicate “Off”. I then grabbed the first tool I could find, a steak knife! I inserted the knife into the cylinder, pushing hard to create the needed friction to grip it and turned counterclockwise. After two turns, POW! Sparks! The knife grounded when it contacted the metal frame of the little door for the light. My wife screamed from the living room, “Eric, what happened?” “I’m OK. Just stupid. Oh, and I destroyed a steak knife.” And seeing that the microwave was now dark, “Maybe I destroyed the microwave too.” “Well, you’re alive!”, she said.
I unplugged the unit and checked the breaker panel in the basement. The panel was new. I had the house electrical system updated in preparation for a separate service with an EV charger. Aha! The breaker was popped. I tried what worked on the old panel: push from OFF to ON. No joy. It refused to stay in the ON position. Clearly I must have damaged the GFI outlet. Normally: “I can fix this!” But given my experience with the knife and failure to unplug, my confidence was blown. I called my electrician with zero sense of added shame. The next day, today, fifteen minutes ago in fact, they arrived. I’m a sharer. I am basically the human opposite of our president. If I do something stupid, I tell the world. (A fact made obvious by this thread). So I told it all to those guys. There was no, “Yeah, it happens”. No “Dude I’ve been there!” Just four eyes saying what I already knew: “Buddy, you should probably stay away from machinery and sharp objects!”
Time to show that I do possess some mechanical aptitude. “So I think I may have fried the outlet and that’s why the breaker won’t reset.” Both guys looked at each other then said “doubtful”. Followed by, “You did cycle the breaker to OFF then back to ON, right?” They DO THAT? My old breakers didn’t do that! They… as I was explaining, the 2nd guy pulled the breaker left then right to ON. What can I say? There is no recovering from demonstrating such stupidity. When we got back to the kitchen the lead electrician asked, “Do you want us to replace the bulbs?” “You have them?”, I asked. “No, but we can go get them.” They figured me out. Two professionals have concluded that I can no longer be trusted to replace a lightbulb.