lol - gumpy old man minion syndrome
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I have been gathering various records and recollections from my Army service with the intention of somehow pulling them together into a semi-coherent whole as a book.
I have just finished transcribing this. Something I wrote ages ago and only recently rediscovered - my one and only hardcopy. Not sure where it belongs but this topic is close enough.
An enlisted mans guide to Australian Army Officers:
Lieutenants - Mostly harmless. Think of it as little puppy that gets overly excited and then wets itself. You only really need to worry about these if you are a Private, but only because you are at the very bottom of a very tall pecking order. Also you are as green as the LT and don’t know any better. As a CPL or SGT just politely request that they sit in the corner and don’t touch anything.
Captains - Generally OK, most likely in a Staff Officer role (i.e. no real power) and more concerned with the next course coming up than anything else. By now they have a bit of an idea about the NCO mafia so don’t fall into the trap of thinking that they are a slightly smarter Lieutenant. Corporals beware. As a SNCO you can generally ‘negotiate’ with them, but you do get the occaisional ■■■■■ (rhymes with brick).
Majors - These guys are the worst. Especially once they have graduated from Command & Staff College. They think they know it all, their number one priority is promotion and major unit (e.g. Battalion) command and they would stab their own Grandmother in the eye to get it. Be very, very careful around these guys. There is a good reason why your Company Sergeant Major is grumpy all the time.
Lieutenant Colonels - They fall into two broad categories:
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You are in a Forces Command posting, they are your CO and therefore the right hand of god. The good one’s don’t feel like they have anything left to prove and start to resemble decent human beings again. Unless you are a SNCO or Warrant Officer you won’t have much contact with LTCOL Type 1, ■■■■■ (complain) about them all you want in the Snake Pit (SNCO Mess) if necessary, but just get on with the job when they are around. For junior ranks the most likely reason you will be saying ‘hello’ to the CO is if you are deeply in the ■■■■ (faeces)… you really don’t want to be there because they are judge, jury and executioner for whatever charge you are facing.
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Passed over for command and a huge chip on their shoulder. They know that they have probably reached their ceiling rank and the future is a succession of SO1 staff jobs. Only a slightly less miserable excuse for a person than a Major. Avoid at all costs, which fortunately is fairly easy to do unless you get posted to a major HQ.
Colonels - They are a curious beast. You won’t encounter one of these very often, if at all. They are either all at Russell Offices or posted overseas as Defence Attaches. They are either a Type 1 LTCOL on the way up or a Type 2 that was good enough as a SO1 to get a sympathy promotion. Bit of a mixed bag and best avoided.
Brigadiers - Apart from Lieutenants, probably the easiest to deal with of any officer. They have that 1st Star and pretty much know by now if any further promotion is going to happen, but retirement isn’t just a distant speck on the horizon and with their salary they will have a very nice pension - they have accepted that and are at peace with the world. Generally very chill gentlemen and ladies, a pity that most enlisted will never have any contact with one. Literally the only officer that I could barge into his office at the end of the day, plonk myself into a chair and share a whisky with was a Brigadier (but I had known them since they were a Captain)
Major Generals - I only ever met one that I liked. This is where they get that twinkle in the eye and wonder if they will be the next Chief of Army. Cut-throat bastards all of them and they have the power to squash you like a bug.
Lieutenant Generals - They are as rare as rocking horse poo. I doubt you will ever encounter one.
General - Only one of these at any given time, and only then if they are the Chief of the Defence Force. If you ever meet them, good on you. As a Soldier it probably means you have been awarded a VC or something?
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I’ve worked with multiple USAF ranks up to 1-star generals. In my experience, colonels were the 2nd worst after majors.
The lt col and 1 stars were all perfectly nice people.
Majors have a little power but think they have a lot! Completely matches your experience!
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It is amazing how quickly things advanced from externally braced biplanes to metal monoplanes to jet aircraft!
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That’s what world wars can do for us.
Check xkcd 980, the cost of everything:
I love this kind of putting things into perspective.
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Yep, but once you get into talking about ‘how much is a trillion dollars’ it becomes very abstract until you visualise it like this:
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Weird railway fact of the day …
If you are in the uk, all trains go “up”to London … even if you are in the north you still go “up” to London
The terminology for the track is the “up road” towards London and the “down road” going anywhere that is away from London
You can tell I’m bored at work today 
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Maybe it is the autism speaking, but I love such facts! Thanks a lot!
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Ok, this has totally been invalidated for me.
It was $10 million for the velociraptors? How? The CG ones? The practical ones? Both? What about the half ones made for closeups of the legs or upper head/torso?
This calls the entire methodology into question. They should not have put this in!
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That lucky f***** had all windows and doors installed, which in the summer isn’t a given. Totally different outcome.
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My god that made me laugh. Ive been there with high pressure hydraulic pipes and its not funny. But poop…yeah thats funny.
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I was a Major, but I did Pte, LCpl, Cpl and Sgt first befor Lt, Capt and Maj.
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You’re OK then 
There are exceptions to every rule. Not every Major is a ■■■■ (in the words of Billy Butcher) and not every Brigadier is “relax and you can drop all that regimental BS around me”.
Lieutenants on the other hand (with the exception of those who came up through the ranks)… Excitable little puppies, all of them 
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