Although this is another installment of my ‘tankie warstories’ it has nothing to do with tanks…
I was recently reminded how young soldiers can be complete arsehats. And in an exclusively male, testosterone fuelled environment; weakness will be preyed upon.
That in turn made me think back to a time very early in my military career.
Trooper ‘Biggles’ Biggins and I were as thick as thieves and when it came to 1 Troop we were always in the poo - only the depth varied. But we were having fun doing it 
Fresh off IET (Initial Employment training) a Trooper Bartlett marched into the Troop. Nice guy, harmless and about as bright as a five watt lightbulb.
He also had trouble understanding words with more than three syllables.
In an effort to help Tpr Bartlett (Bart) better himself, Biggles and I took it upon ourselves to assist Bart improve his vocabulary. We would give him a ‘word of the day’ and if at the end of the day he couldn’t use the word in a properly constructed sentence, he had to retrieve our morning tea from the canteen the next day.
Nevermind the fact that Bart couldn’t even grasp the concept of ‘Subject → Verb → Object’, Biggles and I were total pricks and kept giving him words such as “theodolite” and “antidisestablishmentarianism”… OK maybe not the 2nd one, that is a Blackadder reference; but you get the idea.
A few weeks later, the Troop CPL enquired as to why Bart was bringing Biggles and I our morning tea every day. Unfortunately this was during morning tea and before we could provide a BS answer, Bart piped up “They’re helping me” and proceded to tell how we were doing that.
Next thing you know Biggles and I are in front of the Troop SGT explaining ourselves and that henceforth we were forbidden to give Trooper Bartlett a ‘word of the day’ and to get out of his sight and stop wasting his time.
A few weeks later, the Troop CPL enquired as to why Bart was bringing Biggles and I our morning tea every Monday. Unfortunately, our explaination of a ‘word of the week’ ended up costing Biggles and I all of Bart’s mess and guard duties for the next two months. But like I said we were having fun doing it
On a side note, Bart turned out to be the nephew of Kevin Bartlett, one of Australia’s most successful and famous racing drivers. As a race fan, I wouldn’t have been such a ■■■■■■■ if I had known that.
