Hello. My best wishes,
I wanted to send some sort of holiday greeting to my friends and colleagues, but it is difficult in today’s world to know exactly what to say without offending someone. So I met with my lawyer yesterday, and on advice I wish to say the following:
Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non addictive, gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday practiced with the most enjoyable traditions of religious persuasion or secular practices of your choice with respect for the religious / secular persuasions and / or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.
I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2023, but not without due respect for the calendar of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make our country great ( not to imply that the UK is necessarily greater than any other country ) and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee .
By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms:
This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her / him or others and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. The wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.
Best Regards (without prejudice)
Name withheld (Data Protection Regulations)
I‘m stupid and I am offended by the complexity of your words.
Happy new year! 
Sometimes, having a wife who isn’t particularly bright isn’t a bad thing.
The other day the phone rang and the wife answered it, listened for a moment, said “How the heck would I know, that’s over 200km from here” and hung up.
“Who was that?” I said.
She replied “I don’t know, just some woman wanting to know if the coast was clear”.
declassified secret military tests by the French armed forces during the cold war
amazing!
Tigershark footage and a hercules nearly bellying out. That was COOL
Cheesy car commercials!!
This can not go unanswered!
Note. Also the reason Tony Scott got to direct Top Gun.
I actually remember that saab advert … not sure if thats a good thing or just makes me very old 
cough i was born the same year goose died cough
Found my pad.
When my wife finally snaps and realise I’m actually a dickhead and kicks me out.
I’m moving here
Leave some room for another guy with imposter syndrome! We can share the fuel bill for the monthly test run. Also keeps the rent low for the neighbors
